Why not marrying or marrying late has become a trend globally? Those who marry late don’t have physical needs or do they overcome them somehow? They find alternative ways or they have learned to ditch their biochemistry. Biology still says that we are here to reproduce. Sociology still says that Man is a social animal and we need to live with someone, not alone. Physical needs still go beyond just touching and hugging. Psychology still finds relief when someone’s touch, voice, and even smell release our depression and make us relax; to date, chemistry loves to release Serotonin, dopamine, oxytocin, and endorphin hormones. Spirituality always wants to find a soul mate and Anthropology is still curious to read, learn, and explore another human being.
So if everything has still the same since the inception of the world then what makes us live alone in the 21st century all of a sudden? From where these ideas of self-isolation, hell freedom, and free will have arrived? Why do sharing and expressing thoughts, feelings, and emotions become reluctance? Why people are intentionally suffering because of this “living alone syndrome” or they don’t consider it like suffering but extreme freedom? How some people have learned to go against nature and society?
The ratio of having sex and relationships without following the institution of marriage has increased to an alarming stage in the 21st century, almost all around the world. Not just intimate relationships, people don’t want to have kids, 21st century appreciates women not having babies just because they don’t want to disturb their figure and they want freedom not to have this responsibility. Men are avoiding wives, not women and women are avoiding babies, not men. I mean where we are heading? The exceptions have become a commonality. For centuries Medical science has been proving that delivering a baby is good for a woman’s health, breastfeeding saves from breast cancer, and getting physical after marriage safeguards intimate relationships and makes bonds safe & stronger. Then why people have started assuming things the opposite even after getting more knowledge, exposure, and freedom of expression?
Technically speaking after getting more education, exposure, and freedom, we were supposed to come close to nature rather than going the opposite. So let’s have a look at what is happening now. A Pew Research study, conducted in 2012 showed that one out of five adults aged 25 and older had never married compared to that in 1960 when one out of ten people with the same age ratio had never married. Though many of them got hitched later in life and some in the western part of the world enjoyed biological children out of marriage. Another research study conducted in 2018 by the U.S. Census Bureau came up with the result that men’s average age to get married is 30 and women 28; moreover, the Urban Institute report predicts that some remain unmarried till the age of 40.
So why do they do that? Some people focus more on their careers and building a professional/business empire, and some face financial problems or simply see it as a financial burden, that’s why some opt to stay and work together without getting married just to avoid financial responsibility. Some are heartbroken because of past bad experiences with marriage, relationships, and even refusal, some are afraid of being single again. Some fitness freaks connect marriage with being overweight as they have a history of hating weight gain. Though these are not so valid but somehow pretty much understandable excuses. But what about those who don’t believe in getting married, they oppose the institution of marriage because they are simply scared of it.
Nevertheless, happiness is not guaranteed in every marriage so these people are afraid to take this risk. As they are happily enjoying their single life they don’t want to compromise on taking this challenge. We see many unmarried people, even without kids, Happier. At the London School of Economics, a professor of behavioral science, Paul Dolan writes in his new book, “Happy Ever After” that “if you’re a man, you should probably get married; but if you’re a woman, don’t bother much.” He gave this statement after collecting and examining data from the “American Time Use Survey” to determine happiness levels in unmarried, married, divorced, separated, and widowed people; Dolan found that unmarried, childless women are the “Happiest subgroup”, furthermore, they are more likely to live longer than their married and parental peers.
Some Dream of the Wedding Day and some see it as a Nightmare
So a huge number of people all around the globe are no longer anxious to get married or marry late, and some no longer feel that urge to become parents either. More precisely, talking about those who are simply afraid of taking this risk has another reason for “not depending on someone else”, especially for their emotional needs… as depending on your partner is normal and natural but too much dependency is not a healthy approach; those who think they might incline towards emotional slope are more reluctant. People with complex childhoods fall in this category even more, as they have experienced emotional jerks and breakthroughs in their past so they are afraid of repeating the same nightmare, for a matter of fact healing is much more difficult at an adult age.
Emotionally deviant individuals generally find peace with fewer people around them, and they relate it to less noise and less complexity. The essence of this avoidance is that they are afraid to get hurt. They don’t let their happiness depend on someone they might lose. They don’t want to have much disturbance and interference in their privacy and freedom. No matter how responsible and self-assured individuals they are; they just want life simple, not drama and fantasy.
“Bella DePaulo, a social psychologist and author of “Singled Out: How Singles are Stereotyped, Stigmatized, and Ignored, and Still Live Happily Ever After,” views that mostly married couples naturally make their spouse “Sex and Everything Else Partner.” They expect all sources of contentment from their partners, like companionship, intimacy, care, friendship, advice, and sharing of different tasks household finances, and everything else. This creates an unrealistic “cultural fantasy” that sometimes results in disappointment and unhappiness IF the other person does not come up with their expectations. This not only leads to disappointment but you might have to overlook your own emotional needs to prioritize your partner’s.
Moreover, their definition and standards of being in a relationship are certainly different. The first thing they appreciate in any relationship is space; to them, the rest of the important ingredients like respect, care, responsibility, loyalty, and love, comes naturally. In fact, love appears at last on their list, as their rational thinking demands to fulfill other requirements first. So to find such individuals with similar traits and mindsets is tricky. If luckily they find one, on the matter at 30 or 40 of age, they might go for them but if they don’t find one, they remain unmarried. Furthermore, some people marry late because marriage is too important for them and they just don’t take it as normal but imperative.
Talking about dependency, the classification of Emotional dependency is different in both genders. Women’s mind revolves around whether she looks beautiful in the eyes of her man, hoping she is taking good care of him in terms of managing things well, and most importantly to accountable women, hoping she is fulfilling all his physical desires and emotional needs well. A woman appears more conscious in terms of fulfilling his last two needs in particular, with the fear of losing him and his interest. Though women certainly have similar needs generally they are less inclined towards “Losing interest in relationships” as compared to men.
On the other hand, men view emotional dependency simply as “If they are responsible husbands”? and this covers all, but specifically in terms of protecting and supporting her. This support is not only financial and this protection is not only from other men. However, men have broader perspectives of life and women have their particulars.
For a Woman, the Man She Loves is the Book of her life and for a Man, she is a Chapter in his life’s Book (Sundus)
